Connected But Alone

P2 Organise Your Speech: Connected But Alone

A moment ago my daughter Inara texted me to wish me luck. It was like getting a hug, I loved it. So there you have it, I embody the central paradox; I love getting tweets and texts but I’m going to tell you that too many of them are a problem. Mr. Toastmaster, fellow toastmasters and distinguished guests

Just a few years ago we were experimenting with online chat rooms, virtual communities etc. The ideal was to learn from the virtual world to improve our lives in the real world. Fast forward to 2012, the virtual world has taken over our real world by storm. My daughter who is 16 sleeps with her I-phone and I-pad and so do I.

Technology today is taking us to places where probably we didn’t want to go. These small devices in our pockets are so powerful that they are not only changed how we do things but, they are changing who we are. Some of the things which we do with these devices are things which few years ago we would have found disturbing but these are fast becoming acceptable norms. For instance, people text while attending corporate meetings, they tweet and go on facebook while attending classes and presentation. Parents text and email while on breakfast and dinner table and their children complain about not getting their full attention. But the same children deny each other their full attention by constantly texting on their phone while being together – this gives and illusion of being together while not being together. A sixty-year-old friend laments to me that he feels that he does not have any colleagues at work. At work he doesn’t talk to anybody and says that ‘everybody is busy with their stuff so he does not want to disturb them. Then he stops and said “I’m the one who does not want to be disturbed, I would rather do things on my blackberry."

My sixteen-year-old daughter says to me wistfully “someday but not now I would like to have a real conversation”. I ask people what’s wrong with having a real conversation; people say we’ll tell you what’s wrong with having a real conversation, “It takes place in real time and we can’t control what we are going to say and that’s the bottom line”. Texting, Tweeting, Posting lets us present the self the way we want it; we get to edit that means, we get to delete, that means, we get to retouch the face, the voice, the body, the flesh not too little not too much but just right. Human relationships are rich, they are messy and they are demanding, and when try to clean these up with technology. One of the things can happen is that we sacrifice conversation for mere connection, we short change ourselves and over time we stop caring. So a flight from conversation really matters because it can compromise our ability of self-reflection. For kids growing up, that skill is a bedrock of development. Over and over we have heard at our home and offices “I would rather text than talk’. The feeling that no one is listening to me is very important in our relationship with technology. That’s why it is so appealing to have a Facebook page, a tweeter feed – so many automatic listeners. These days those phones in our pockets are changing our hearts and minds. The moment we are alone, even for few seconds, we become anxious, we fidget, we panic and we reach for our devices. So the problem with this new regime is when we don’t have connected we feel isolated. How do we go from connection to isolation, you end up being isolated if you don’t create yourself a capacity for solitude. When we don’t develop a capacity of solitude and self-reflection we slip into thinking that always being connected will make us feel less alone.

Create sacred spaces at home, the kitchen, the dining room reclaim them for conversation. Do the same at work, where we are so busy communicating that we don’t have time to talk about things that really matter. More importantly, we have to start listening to each other including the boring bits without pressing those delete buttons. Because when we hesitate, we fumble for words that’s when we reveal ourselves and grow as an individual without the crutches of our devices. I’m optimistic that we have everything we need to start, we have each other and we have the greatest chance of success if we recognize our vulnerability. Now we need to focus on many ways that technology can bring us back to real lives, our own bodies, our own communities, our own planet. Let us talk on how we can use the digital technology, the technology we of our dreams to make this life a life we can love.

- contributed by Shahnawaz